lost soul...

it is the time again...
i do not know if other people experience the same thing as me, but i have a weird cycle whereby after some time, out of nowhere, i have an urge to be alone... time out from everything, to hide only in my own world, my sanctuary, my comfort zone.
i won't feel like talking, won't even feel like smiling...like i lost my soul...
fortunately for me, i don't hear weird voices in my head nor turn into another person while in the same body.
i found a way out... through music...
melodies...rhythms...beats...harmony in groups of voices...the sounds of instruments...in sync...
they are like voices of angels, soothing and calming, unable to take away any problems of mine, but yet able to take me away from my problems for the instant i am in their world. so far, yet so near... so humble yet so splendid...
never thought another person's voice can do so much for me, i don't think the person knows either! =)
always keep the faith...
*hopefully i get my soul back again*

*lost*

Have the world always been so harsh?
there are things i still can't grasp.
Buddha's teaching mentioned for us to be mindful.
I am not mindful..enough...
Are there things i have done wrong?
Is it time for Kharmma to get back on me?
If it is so, it has chosen the right way to do it.
I hurt more by taking away things precious to me than hurt myself.
To torture me emotionally and mentally is a more ruthless way to make me suffer.
Always in samsara, as long as i am in the Cycle.
I need time on my own...
Always feel like running away, although knowing it will never help.
Just a lil time for myself to clear my mind.
Just a lil time to reflect on my actions.
Just a lil time to think on the proper solution to deal with things.
Just a lil time...
Is that too much to ask?

distance... does it really matter?

friends, i do have friends...
family, of course i have a family!
soulmate?? hmm...
however, whether you have family or friends, having the person near or far doesn't matter. it's the thoughts, sincerity, care and love that counts.
you can be miles away, yet you feel the warmth of them missing you.
you can be so near, yet care nothing about each other...
there are invisible ties that connects 2 hearts and 2 souls.
distance is never a problem. never was, never will...

a long time since...

I AM MAD!
been a long time since i flipped... can't remember when was the last time.
i am not a scream-at-u-when-i-pissed-off type of person(i think), but there are times when things need to be let out.
unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, i didn't do that.
mom said just think of it as my own kharmma... yes, that could be it.
but my kharmma affected ppl around me too! how does that happen?
anyway, i need to let it out someday, going on this way, might end up dying early...
I seriously don't want that. there are still too many things i haven't experienced!!
thus, i need to let it out, someway, somehow... blogging bout it isn't helping much.
oh, what am i mad about?? tons of things, suddenly crashing down on me like there's no tomorrow...
by midnight, it all ended quietly...
i'll just give a few keywords out: TRUST, RESPONSIBILTY, TIMING, HONESTY, DELEGATION OF WORK.

goodnight!